no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
