The maid of honor just puked.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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