dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
