Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize