isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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