I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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