I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
