It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
