So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
