my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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