So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
