But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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