well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
