i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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