I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
