i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
this is an emotional support booty call
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
