Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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