Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
