just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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