Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize