Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you never un-have a 4some
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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