puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
