I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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