tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
