I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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