I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
