So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
