The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize