I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
