She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
