i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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