thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
