I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
