cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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