The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
