My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
