i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
