Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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