If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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