note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
