We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
