I've blown a few things in my day
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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