What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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