My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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