if i can run in heels then i can drive
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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