So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
