Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
