I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
