i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
