so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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