yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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