I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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