Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
