i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
