i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
