Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
