I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
