..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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