this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
