Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
