they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
