literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
