I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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