Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
