Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
