Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
