Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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