Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
