pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
