I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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