i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
