I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
