that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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