why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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