I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
