he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
