Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
