the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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