...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
