I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
