I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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