your thong is hanging out like whoa
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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