i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize