4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
