I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We left the knife in your bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize