I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
