Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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