i wish there were pregnant emoticons
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
