Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
