i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
