i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
