That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
