If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize