My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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