lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
