We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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