Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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