How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
