im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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