I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
